


"Well, the d8 started out alright........"

by capriciousMistress



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, F/M, First Time, Sexual Content, Tentabulges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capriciousMistress/pseuds/capriciousMistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert, and you've taken Vriska Serket out on a "d8".</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Well, the d8 started out alright........"

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bad idea for you to read and you will be disappointed

Your name is John Egbert, and you think you might be ready for this. 

You had taken Vriska out for dinner earlier tonight, and enjoyed her company as she enjoyed yours. You couldn’t help but watch her as she ate, her nervous dainty bites obviously just for show. You watched her lovely alien lips as she smiled, their softness contrasting with her wickedly sharp teeth.   
Her laugh was oddly musical to you. You cringed a little whenever she laughed particularly hard, her cackle echoing through the restaurant and earning a few odd looks from other diners, but the soft chuckles were nice. 

You found it difficult to not stare at her chest. The gorgeous blue dress she wore was shaped just as perfectly as she was, with a deep neckline showing off her feminine assets. Her long hair tied up, you could see the lovely shape of her slender neck. 

You saw the way her eyes sparkled in the candlelight. 

That one funky eye still freaks you out from time to time. You try not to look at it. 

But the other one is stunning. 

Before you left for the date, Dave had stopped you at the door, one hand rested on your shoulder. 

“bro you gotta be careful tonight know what im saying”  
“what? why?”

Silently, he had slipped you something with a knowing stare. You took a look at it, your face distorting in shock.

“are you serious? i don’t think i’ll need this, dave.”  
“no dude you got it wrong just take it youll probably need it”

At the time, you simply forced a smile, nodded and thanked him, but now, you’re really glad you took it. 

The back seat of your car is probably not the best place for a first time, but Vriska doesn’t seem to mind. Her lips, every bit as soft as they looked, press to every bit of bare skin they can find. You feel your face going red as you run your hands up her sides, fumbling for the zipper at the back of the dress. It was a shame it would end up dumped on the floor, so undignified.   
Her long fingers toy with the button on your pants, and you capture her lips with a long kiss. You see her blushing. It never fails to startle you, the blue hue of her blood. 

You finally get the dress off of her. Staring down at her gorgeous form, your eyes trail from her sexy little bra to the matching underwear-

What.

w

h

AT

“John? Are you okay?”  
“wh…”  
“Spit it out, come on!” She’s getting distressed now. You are clearly not speechless in awe of her beauty any longer.   
“what. that. what is that.”  
“My 8ulge..? Every8ody’s got one, John.”  
“what? i don’t have one, what’s a bulge?”  
“Yes you do, I can see it right now. ::::/”   
“that is not called a bulge. i don’t understand.”  
“Oh, come on. Take a look.” She coyly pulls at her panties to reveal a hUGE TENTACLE

“WHOA!” You simply stare in horror as her face drops to look equally displeased.  
“WH8T IS THE 8IG DEAL, JOHN?”  
“WOW. FUCK NO. NO. WOW.”

You scramble out of the car, just managing to escape Vriska swiping at you, screaming.

“G8T 8ACK H8RE JOHN! H8W D8RE Y8U! H8W C8ULD Y8U DO TH8S TO ME?”

You forego trying to find your clothes, and simply flee into the night, wearing only your underpants.

Your name is John Egbert and fuck no.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry


End file.
